Sleep at 6 a.m.

Wake up at 2 p.m.

Drown myself in blueberry bagels and iced coffee.

Go back to sleep.

Friday, March 13 was the start of this vicious cycle.

The first week was fine. What was supposed to be my spring break quickly turned into week one of quarantine. I saw it as an opportunity to do typical teenager things like sleep in, watch TV and eat ungodly amounts of food. It started as a simple break from things that usually consume my life, but at some point, the days seemed never-ending and I lost all track of time.

My entire schedule was flipped but I paid no mind to it. My room was a mess; the pile of dishes in the corner got bigger every time I looked at it. I existed in the same clothes, never changing into something new because I didn’t see the point of doing so. Without knowing, I started to let myself go; letting go of all the things I had done to keep myself in a healthy mental state.

At this point, no amounts of bagels and iced coffee could fix what I had started.

While I’m well aware of the fact the entire world is also trying to figure out how to cope with the pandemic and being in quarantine, I can’t help but feel completely isolated. As someone who strives around other people and needs a strict routine to function, I feel like I’ve lost everything.

I knew the situation was serious but I never expected the Friday before my spring break to be my last day actually attending school. From 8:20 a.m to 3:35 p.m, I was surrounded by my friends and teachers. Despite the stress it brought me, being at school was my sense of consistency. It was something I had to do every day. I had to wake up every morning, I had to get dressed, I had many tasks to accomplish throughout the day and now I don’t.

At least at the time, I felt like I had control over something. Now I fear not having food on the table, I fear losing the people who mean the world to me, I fear contracting the virus. The thought of this now eats away at my brain every night as I try to go to sleep. 

Every day brings new experiences and in the midst of all this chaos, I’m doing everything I can to reassure myself everything will be OK. This situation is not ideal for my mental health, but this is beyond what I need. The entire world is suffering and so many questions are left unanswered, but for now, I will continue staying in quarantine because I know it’s the right thing to do to help flatten the curve.

This virus and its effects are out of my hands, but I still have control over what I do with the endless amount of time I seem to have now. 

Yes, I am grieving the loss of normalcy, but I know this will pass. In the meantime, I’ll try my best to get back to a healthy state of mind, one blueberry bagel and iced coffee at a time.