All my life I knew I was different, constantly feeling like an outsider.

I grew up with two close brothers, and we did everything together. Well, almost everything. We would play outside, but when it was time to go inside, they would play video games while I’d be by myself, playing with stuffed animals or Legos. On the weekends, my brothers would visit their dad for the weekend, while I was left behind, as my father was not present in my life. I would be left alone with my mother — alone with myself, with no worries in the world.

Even at parties, the kids would play together while I would play Barbies with my little cousin. From a young age, everyone told me to be this, do this. Everyone told me what I could and couldn’t like. I felt like the black sheep of the herd, not fitting in with the rest of the boys.

It was always “Take your hand off your hip, you look like a girl.” How does placing my hand on my hip make me a girl? Is there only one way guys should stand? It made no sense to me. If anyone asked me if I was straight, I just nodded my head and then looked down, suppressing the hard truth. I did everything I could to not be judged, but I felt helpless. 

It wasn’t until middle school, where there was an openly gay kid everyone knew. He was happy as could be. However, there were a couple of students who weren’t a fan of his choices. There were always those students who made fun of him, who hated on him for being who he wanted to be. I didn’t want other people to think poorly of me, so I did my best to hide my pride. I went as far as having a cover-up girlfriend to prove I was normal. The last thing I wanted was to lose all my friends.

When I got to high school, I was exhausted of being someone I wasn’t. After thinking to myself for years, asking myself thousands of questions, I finally came to the conclusion that I should accept who I really am. It wasn’t easy, but I was tired of ignoring who I am and pretending to be someone else to please others. 

At this point in my life, I now say it confidently. I’m gay. I’m perfectly fine and living my best life. I honestly don’t care what others think or see of me. If it bothers you, then maybe you’re the problem. I’m proud of who I’ve become.