Our big house was filled with empty rooms and silence, and the feeling was faint. Nothing about it was special anymore.

In San Antonio, my childhood was comforting, living with all of my family, but everybody started to leave. My mom and dad got divorced, and all four of my siblings moved out one by one, and from there, it was my mom and I. So, she made the decision to sell the house and move out. 

I knew nothing would be the same, moving out of my hometown. But I believed it would be for the best.

My mom and I stayed at my sister’s house in Houston until she found the perfect place to start our new life. I had high hopes for our fresh start, only to be disappointed none of that would happen.

I had to move in with my dad in Plano, Texas.

I was devastated, especially because I had to leave my mom after living with her for nine years. Living with my dad and brothers was full of loud noises and arguing all the time. On top of that, no one understood my needs as a female which made everything more difficult.

I felt alone in my own house. 

My anxiety bubbled up inside of me thinking about being the new kid at my school. The room filled with stares and whispers, yet all I could do was just be there. I made a friend that day, Naiomi. She was a really nice and jolly person. She even gave me a tour around the elementary school and made me feel welcome. I felt as if she was the nicest person there, but everyone else was different. I was bullied because I didn’t know how to do my hair well, and I didn’t have nice clothes. My mom used to do all of that for me, but I wasn’t with her anymore.

I hated being at that school because of the biased people. I didn’t fit in. 

Eventually, things were better once I hit fifth grade. Plus, Naiomi and I were best friends along the way, so I learned new things from spending lots of time with her. I was excited to go to middle school with all of the new friends I made, but my dad had thoughts on moving out of our apartment. 

Mesquite, Texas. “New environment. New experience. More space,” he confidently said.

I was going to miss the sleepovers with Naiomi and riding my bike with friends around the apartment complex. As I went along with everything, I kept believing I would have a better life no matter where I was.

Although Mesquite was a dangerous environment, I still managed to do well starting middle school. The only problem was all the bad things that would happen in my school and new neighborhood: violence, drug and bullying. I never got caught up in any of those things except for being bullied over my appearance.

All I wanted to do was go back to Plano where my life was actually good.

I’ve lived in fear all of my middle school years because of my anxiety, but I still think about the good memories: going to dances and special events and competing in sports. I’ve made lots of friends doing sports, especially basketball and track. 

Away from everything else, I became a top student at that middle school and I even got accepted to the health science program at Vanguard High School. It was a big deal because it was an exclusive school. 

Sadly, my dad turned my offer down because “It’s a big commitment, and we would be moving to a different city anyway.”

Lewisville, Texas. 

Another day of loading my things into a U-Haul truck. 

Another day of unpacking.

Another day of picking my back-to-school outfit.

Another day of sitting in a school lobby.

When will it all end?

I find myself in an office, picking my schedule. I choose all honors classes as usual and for the first week, I try to find my way around the school and the city. For once, I wasn’t bullied here in Lewisville, and I was uplifted by compliments instead. I never thought I would like it here better, but I really do. 

I feel like moving places a lot has partially affected my mental health because I never get to make genuine connections with people when I leave the city. It feels like grieving, yet the only difference is they’re still here, just not in the same place as me. Not only that, but since I didn’t attend my friends’ previous schools, I feel left out of conversations or stories that involve people or events I don’t know about. 

Multiple times, I’ve tried to change myself so I could fit in with everybody else, like wear different makeup, clothing styles or talk differently, but no matter what I did, I was still unhappy. 

I am now a sophomore in high school, yet I still feel like I don’t belong here.