The sharp bristles pierce through the most memorable part of my body. My routine changes one more time for my living cells.     

I pick up the comb and look in the mirror, what will my hair look like today?

Afro? Or twists? This daily routine will be the death of me.

How do I wake up at 5:30 a.m. in a sleepless matter just to define the curls on my body to appeal to my own happiness? 

I keep watering my hair like a plant, detangling curls like they’re 1,000 necklaces, and shaping it as a sculpture on a pedestal. 

7:30 a.m. It’s. still. the. same.

The curl creams and oils wasted for an unfinished product that I don’t have the time to fix.

The pressure of haircare — the anger of just having the perfection of curls defined at a crisp  curl.

Aiming for the curly hair that is only deemed as gorgeous when not in its natural state becomes sickening in my core. I know I am not just my hair, but the display of how it is supposed to look by others warps my mind into the opposite ideology.

I look on Pinterest to see the hairstyles I want to go for. Only those with the creative hairstyles: 3c hair, 2b hair.

Not only do I only see girls with looser curls — yet the pictures of women with tighter hair patterns never receive the attention of beauty like the women with looser hair texture. 

The idea of going bald surpasses my thoughts.

Is this how I am supposed to feel about my hair? Only uplift it when it’s manageable?

Next morning I stare in the mirror once again — 5:30 a.m. Contemplation takes over me once more.  

Drench. Detangle. Style. Repeat. 

I think to myself, ‘How much longer will this daily routine take for myself to appeal to my physical form?’

When will I —and only I, care about how I  feel about myself?

The time flows by. 6 a.m. Deep thoughts are still attached to me. 

I open up the photo of the hairstyle I want to recreate. It shows a picture of a headwrap style.

I stand in the mirror examining where and how to start this new style. How do I mentally prepare myself for my changes to my routine?

Deep breaths are taken in before my action. I look in the mirror again and pick up the comb.