I’ve never been the type to talk to others seriously. There’s many reasons, like not having an adult I can actually trust and not finding the right time to. But the main reason? Grievances don’t magically disappear when I talk about them.

Why should I waste time talking when I could be working toward solving said grievances? This opinion is heavily opposed by almost everyone. Thus, I’ve been sent to professionals a few times in and out of school.

I always bite my tongue.

I give them vague answers, I keep my lips sealed in a safe environment, I mislead. My biggest fear is that they find out about Her.

How can I answer this question without answering?

What would be too big of a hint?

How do I respectfully tell them to mind their business?

I bite my tongue.

In the end, I’ve gone through those sessions speaking like a politician: talking about the point, but never getting to it and ignoring what I’m here for. Despite my cryptic responses, I leave feeling like I’ve overshared.

In one of the sessions, I analyzed the room beforehand and deduced that the counselor was a woman of faith from all the “God loves you” stickers. 

I, of all people, should know it’s never OK to label a whole group of people as “bad” unless they’re inherently evil, like criminals. 

But, when that group of people has shown me so much hatred and disdain, how could one expect me to not be careful and hold a small grudge?

More of a reason to bite my tongue.

Even if there’s confidentiality, even if they have to keep up a facade for their jobs, even if they pretend to be accepting, I know in the back of their minds, there will always be hidden subconscious thoughts. Judging Her, and the person that is supposed to be ‘me.’

So, I bite my tongue and hide Her, leaving only ‘myself’ while talking to them.